Conversations with love

Namaste,

I apologize profusely for the long silence. I’ve been working very hard lately and been sick as well. It’s cold season so everyone make sure to take care of yourselves! Your body is your temple, nurture it!

This was a conversation I had with Love September 30^th. I call that day my second birthday. We all have the day that we’re born but there are other days. For me September 30^th was the day I started living, and in a way that’s also when life begins…when you decide to live it. I would suggest looking back into your past and noticing these days or times. Often they’re born of tragedy I’ve noticed, be they minor or major we all have difficult times in our past. Try to celebrate them instead of mourning them, they are gifts your higher self gave to you. You gave these things to yourself in order to create yourself anew. Realize that and you realize that in truth there really is no such thing as a tragedy, only glorious opportunities for creativity. Ask yourself if you’ve created what you truly wish, if not, start now! You have all the time in the world, but how will you spend it?

Next up is a short tutorial on automatic writing, I’ve promised it for some time now. As soon as I have the time to sit down and write it I’ll get it up.

Much love and many blessings to you all, now on to Love…

   

Dear Love,

            I am unsure of what to say exactly. I am far from lost but I am unsure of where to go exactly. I don’t know which road to take.

 Whatever road you take know that it leads to me. All roads, all paths lead inevitably to me. 

A bit like Rome, hmm? You’re smiling.

 Always, I am always smiling. 

I can feel it. Must I abandon certain things to bring myself closer to you?

 To get closer to me? No, there is nothing you must leave or find or seek to get closer to me. We are One and always have been. I am everything and I have always been with you. But to get closer to what you wish to be and do in this world? Yes, you will have to abandon things which do not resonate. You play the game of working within the system in order to function within it and destroy or alter it. This is only if you choose it. It is possible to alter the world from a place outside of its ways and illusions. That can sometimes be the best way to do it. Take a look through your history and you will see it is so, perhaps even find inspiration. Many have lived outside of the world, been in but not of, and altered the course of history. This is possible for all who choose it. Your path is not set in stone Elizabeth. It is not a question of finding it but of forging it. Create, Do, and Be what you wish. You are all completely capable of miracles and no matter which path you take you will get to where you are going. You have chosen your destination. This is merely the time for studying maps and deciding which way is best to get there. You will know what feels (w)right to you. Go without fear in the direction you choose. Go without fear and I am with you always. 

This world feels so strange to me, unnatural.

 Then create a world that feels organic and correct, create a world where I am more visible to all. I should be something clear and not something that must be sought or bought or concealed. I should be clear in the lives of all. I should be seen and lately I have not been. It does not have to be this way. Will you continue to speak to me easily in a world that is determined to make me invisible and inaccessible? Or will you come to me completely and find me in another way? Find me your way. But remember I am never hidden. I am just not seen, I am just not seen. One cannot seek to find what is never hidden and always there. Create remembrance. Do so with my blessing and my aide. All of you see me, see me now and always and in all of your lives forever and always and never stop seeing me. I am always here and never anywhere else. That is my message. I love you and I am always with you all. Find me in your hearts and you need “search” no longer. That is how close we truly are. I am what you forget in people. I am what you forget in yourself. Remember yourself, remember me. Act on me. Always and always and forever. Marry yourself to me, the part of you that is me. I am always there waiting and I always will be there waiting for you to remember and to see and hear me once more. Have faith in your new memories Elizabeth. Have faith in you and in me and in those we have surrounded ourselves with. Have faith enough for all and it will never be misplaced if it is placed in me. I swear this to you. Rest now and know that I love you.  

I love you too. Goodnight Love.

 Goodnight Elizabeth, sleep well and dream of me.

Namaste,

 

I’m sorry for the delay in posting but things have been busy work wise on my end. I will also apologize for my lack of response to any emails that any of you have sent me, I have no way of accessing them yet, and I’m working to fix this as soon as possible. For now if any of you wish to contact me I’ve set up an AIM screen name especially for all of you and it is Crone115, if this gets much use perhaps we can look at setting up times to talk and perhaps get a chat room going sometime? Just a thought. I do wish to connect with all of you and I’m sorry that hasn’t really been possible as of yet.

 

This next conversation was without a doubt the most mind blowing and intense conversation I’ve ever had with Love. I heard and felt it so much clearer and stronger than I ever have before and after we finished speaking I lay right back in bed and slept for hours. You are all now finally caught up with me. This conversation took place on September 8^th and I haven’t had another one yet, but when I do you’ll all be the first to know!

 

The person mentioned in the beginning is someone who once hurt me, or, as Love would say: beautifully created the illusion of harm…well he did, and it took me over two years to recover. But I’ve finally ended that cycle and it ended with love and not hate or fear or anger, which a year ago I would never have guessed. Healed!

 

This is also the beginning of a new chapter, as, for the first time, Love spoke directly to all of you the readers. I think it will happen much more often. I’ll be posting an automatic writing tutorial as soon as I can find the time to write it.

 

On a side note: Melissa, I have no idea who you are but your name came up quite strongly as I was writing. I really think Love is trying to talk to you. Give it a whirl and don’t be afraid…*shrug*

 

On to Love…

   

Dear Love,

            I completed the healing cycle by finally speaking with L***** for the first time in about two years. I was open and honest and above all – I was loving. I thank you for being with me during that talk. I felt you presence the entire time. It was like you were holding a child’s hand as you helped them face their fears.

 Yes. I was with you. And I was with him as well. I was helping both of you face your fears. I am so proud of both of you. As you know, your time to learn and grow together has finally ended and now you are free to go your separate ways. It is perfect. I am so very proud of you both. You have both done beautifully and learned so much from your time together. You have helped transform each other and helped bring each other to a place where you each saw that it was you that had to do the releasing. Together you saw that you are the only one who can ever confine or set free. You set yourself free Elizabeth and I am glad of it. We have so much work to do and you are becoming more and more capable of doing it as each day passes. You are beginning to let go. It is quite a process and I will always be with you to guide you through it. You are never alone. None of you are ever alone. I am with each and every one of you. You have only to turn to me. Teach them to turn to me, show them they have been turning to me all their lives. For they have. I was always there, but not all of them were ready to see it. Help them see it, help them see me. Help them hear me. 

I will. I’ve nearly brought them up to date on our conversations. After this next one I’ll start with exercises and tutorial type things. I keep getting nervous and self-conscious about the whole thing but I keep reminding myself to trust you, so I keep writing and keep posting. If I can help just one person by sharing the truth I’ve found in you then it will have been more than worth it.

 Yes. Though I will assure you my dear our little talks have touched more than one. You are doing well and your trust in me is growing. That is good; you are opening yourself further to this experience. We will continue to speak like this until the end of your days in this body. Perhaps even your children will grow up learning to speak with me and trust in me. It will get easier as you let it. You are letting go. I’m very proud of you. I’m so proud of you all. All of you are so beautiful. All of you are doing so very well. You have such passion for the work you do in the world and that is immensely powerful when channeled correctly. Channel it through me knowingly and the power will increase not only three fold but a thousand times so, for I am the power that moves All Things. Have me in your hearts and minds as you work and there I am, always with you, always working with you, always by your side. Soon I will speak with you all more directly. It is still difficult at times through this individual as she is changing and growing. She does well, bless her. Listen to what she says for she realizes this and will do her best to set aside controls and aide you in communicating with me yourself. Come not to me through others. Never through others. Come yourself, each and every one of you and I shall receive you with great joy for I have been longing for your return to me. For an age I have been speaking to all of you, whispering in your ears, some are ready to hear and some are not. Some have already begun to speak to me again – some are still afraid and filled with the thought, “not me, never me.” I say now, YOU, youyouyou, hear me for I am speaking to you. I see each and every one of you clearly for as you read these words I am by your side, within you, and all around you, as I ever have been. I ask you to hear me not just by reading the words of the woman who writes them now but hear my words in your own minds and hearts. See my messages and signs to you everywhere in your own lives. Hear my laughter, my unending praise and see my smile and feel my joy and always, All Ways, my unconditional love for you all. You are my gifts to the world, to each other, to yourselves. See yourselves as the lights that you are. See yourselves as gifts worth giving and receiving. You are. I will tell you unto the end of time, you are worth it, all of you. Do you hear me now? Is my voice becoming clearer? Can you hear my voice in the thoughts you so often push aside? I am there, always there. Push doubt and fear away and listen to me now and always. Make this the moment to begin to consciously choose me. I am Love. I am Light. I am Joy. I am Freedom. Come Home to me and take rest and nourishment in the arms of the Universe. We will never let you fall. How can you when you are all of these things yourself? And you are, I swear to you. The extent of your forgetfulness never ceases to amaze Others. You have forgotten me, you have forgotten yourself. When you listen to me you listen to yourself. Listen. Hear me. Never stop. Come Home to me. (Melissa that means you too!) All of you! I know you! I am your greatest friend in all this world that you have yet to give a chance. I am always here for you. I am always everywhere for you. I love you. I love you so much and I could never hope to tell you in words how proud of you I truly am. I have been with you all your life and stood quietly by you as events transpired. I have never left you and I never shall. My love for you is the greatest there is. It is unconditional. All you have seen and done and thought and been and hoped to be. I love you for it all. All of it. Not a moment in your existence have I ever been ashamed to call you my own. I’ve never been shamed or disappointed or doubtful, not even when you were. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. You are perfect. You are so beautiful and so perfect and if you listen to me I will help you to see it. You will see it. You will all come back to me and we will laugh, because what else can one do with such beauty but laugh? 

Thank you. Thank you so much Love. I’m sorry but I’m exhausted. Please spare me a moment to rest.

 I will help you to recover. Rest now Elizabeth. All the time in the world. Remember?

There’s one thing that binds all women together – being beautiful.  True beauty shines from the inside out. When we feel great it radiates through giving us an awe of confidence that makes us look gorgeous.  When women come together and pamper themselves there’s a certain unity that comes about. It’s girly, playful and undeniably fun. Aliah and Make Up Artist Ellie will bring you through a lovely day where you will celebrate your feminine energy and see the beauty within yourself and others. Ellie will give make up tips and demonstrations and discuss the power of colour and how it can influence our lives. She will facilitate a meditation bringing in the energy of the angels of beauty. This will empower and encourage each woman to be creative with their beauty regimes. Aliah aims to inspire you into alignment with your own divine feminine with exercises to bring you at peace with your body, beauty rituals to access your powerful inner goddess and meditations to awaken your female intuition. Come and join us for this day of spiritual beautification, for your inner and outer self and to top it off, the day includes belly dance lessons with teacher, Rochelle. Dance to release the old negative beliefs about beauty, menstruation, our bodies and sex that we hold onto as women and welcome the new goddess that is you! 

Date: 6^th October 2007Time: 10.30am – 5.00pmCost: £40  Places are limited so please let me know if you are interested and a £10 deposit will be required to book your place. Contact: aliah@aliahjoseph.com The workshop will be taking place in Kentish town,

North west

London.Please pass this on to anyone you feel may be interested. 

Namaste,

This next conversation was had not on computer but for the first time since my very first conversation with Love, by hand with pen and paper. It’s a very different process and feeling which I will discuss more when I post a tutorial/run through for you all.

Having had some encounters with other individuals physically attempting to take power from me or exert power over me I had some open wounds mentally and emotionally speaking. I addressed this when I went to a wonderful Shamanic Healer in my area. She said that I had done something unusual. I had thought that these individuals had succeeded in taking my power from me and that in order to heal I had to take it back. She told me however that this was not so, that I had done something rather unusual and creative; that I had sort of hidden my power away from them so that they could not find it. The problem was that having done this unconsciously I had no access to that power myself. Sort of a, I buried it in the backyard but forgot where I buried it or that I even had, sort of situation. The Shaman helped teach me how to work with my own energy, she cleared some charka blocks for me and taught me how to do the same. She then had me call on Love’s energetic form and address and release each individual, and then she’d cleanse my aura after each one. It was a long process but I felt so completely different when I came out of that session. There was still the power situation though, I knew where I had buried it but I still felt the need to use ritual to “dig it back up”. I have a close bond with Hecate; Morgana helped me to realize this when she called her to protect me. I realized that when I was very young and in danger once I had unknowingly called upon her, or at least her energy and asked her to aid me. I believe I actually gave my power to Hecate for safekeeping. So this conversation was had before that ritual, where I thanked Hecate for all she had done for me and accepted my power back to me in full…and also requested her continued favor, protection, and friendship. I did this while visiting Morgana and her brother Patrick; I used their back porch to summon Hecate…thanks guys.

It’s short but I feel that if you, like me, have had people in your life that you perceived as harming you it’s a good thing to hear. It sort of puts things in cosmic perspective. We like cosmic perspective ^-^

On to Love…

   

Dear Love,

 I’m about to call on you and Hecate to assist me in a Dark Moon ritual. I feel like this could be a major crossroads. You asked to speak to me and here I am.

 Let’s try this by hand shall we? Good, keep writing, don’t worry about spelling none of it matters. Just feel me and hear my voice. Good, just keep moving, it has always been at your pace, you are ready for this now. You weren’t in the beginning but I know I’ve got your strict attention at this point. I know you know I’m here right beside you, within you, all around you. Good, I love you Elizabeth and it is that love that you will need to feel and draw on tonight. You asked to speak to me and here I am, where I have always been, everywhere. Remember the illusion as you perform your rite. Remember that the individuals you address have merely been actors playing a part in your story and you have merely been an actress playing a part in theirs. None of this is real. You all had agreements and you have all done beautifully. I’m so very proud of you all. Thank them, bless them, and know that I bless them as well for they are all me. No action is outside of me no matter how outside me it may seem at the time, for I am everyone, everything, everywhere, all the time. Love is all there is (he played a Beatles sound clip in my head, the joker) you all aid each other in your unique transformations and no one can ever hurt you. No one ever has. The things in your life that have occurred seemed unbearably painful. As time passes humans believe that it is the passage of time itself that has lessened the pain or healed the wound, enabled them to forgive and forget. This is not so for time is as much an illusion as the pain itself. There is no time, there is no pain, there is nothing but me in the end and also the beginning for they are one and the same. What enables one to heal is the true decision to step outside the illusion of the wound. This is the only way that healing can ever take place; one must choose it entirely and with the entirety of their being. If you choose that tonight then you chose Freedom, you choose Me. That is what tonight is, choosing me, choose Love above all things, all the rest is an illusion. The sound of my voice in your head is the sound of the Universe calling you Home. You may return anytime you choose.  

I choose tonight, the sound of your voice holds more truth than anything I think I’ve ever known.

 There has never truly been anything else to know. This is a big step for you, I know, our work may soon begin in earnest as you cast aside your fears. Fear not, with one so dashing as myself by your side how could you ever fear anything at all? Good, there’s that smile, you know what I like to see. Fabulous. 

You’re ridiculous and I adore you.

 And I you. You know what to do, it is intention and your willingness to fully access me that will see this as a true success. Do not worry, do not feel compelled to stand too staunchly on ceremony with me. Nor with Hecate. She knows you well. Call upon her as you do me and speak your piece. Ask of her what you will and we will aide you in any way we can. Do not be afraid. You will not do anyone harm, it is impossible as we have established, I will be and do whatever you require of me. I will guide you through this so you have nothing to worry. All will be perfect. You and I have an agreement and that agreement is perfection. Good luck, though you hardly need it I see. I love you, always remember that…Ah, sweet distraction. All right then.

Namaste,

 

This will be a very easily practiced exercise that I hope you’ll begin to incorporate into your daily life as it has dramatic results. I’m eager to get you all caught up with my current communications with our friend and get you chatting with Love yourself and so I’ll post my next conversation tomorrow.

 

What I cannot stress enough is the importance of continual efforts to view everything and everyone around you as one, to see yourself as one with All That Is. This is easier said than done as our world is constantly trying to get us to view ourselves as separate. Separateness creates a feeling of isolation and fear, which causes many of the problems in our life, this is because that feeling of separateness is an illusion, it’s not real, and it rubs our souls the wrong way so to speak. Your higher self is constantly trying to remind you and get you to remember that you are one with everything and if you give it half a chance you’ll be amazed by the things that will begin to happen in your life.

 

It is easier for many of us to remember our connection to the Universe when we are surrounded by nature, in a forest, or field, or by a lake. But many of us (myself included) live in cities or towns and live in boxes for most of our lives. We spend our lives surrounded by four walls and an endless stream of people, many of them strangers. It is easy to feel cut off in this environment and stop listening to what your soul is trying to tell you. I’ll tell you what I do to remember and I’d like you to try these little mindful exercises to see if they work for you. If you need something different, then create it for yourself; the point is that you make these things, these thoughts and actions a part of your everyday life. If you do, it becomes harder and harder for that illusion of separateness to grab hold of you again. It alters the way you live your life and experience the world.

 

Morning chai is a part of my daily routine, you may have yours: coffee, tea, muffin, newspaper… I frequent my local Starbucks. I sit down with my chai and sit there among the people of my city till I am finished drinking it. I’ll often carve out an hour for this. I’ll read a book or sit there and catch up on writing down last night’s dreams or just any thoughts that happen to be buzzing around in my brain. You may not have an hour to spare and that’s all right. It’s said that time for such things only exist if you make it, very true. Take maybe five minutes to start with. Being in an area with lots of people talking and moving helps. I like to sit out of the way in a corner where no one is jostling me because that breaks my train of thought. Try just sitting there and watching those around you. First allow yourself to view them as separate because that will be your first reaction and will continue to be for some time. But dwell on that, consider what that means. Each one of these bodies moving around is a vehicle for another soul, a soul with a purpose and a desire for an experience on an earthly plane strong enough for them to be there in front of you, living a life. Each one of those people has a life, they were born, they had/have a family, a job perhaps? They have the things that they do within the world and society. But think beyond that. Each one of those bodies is a vehicle for a soul, and each body is a mind that is thinking constantly, dreaming at night, questioning and accepting and striving. Each person you see is filled always with thoughts, and they each have a heart that loves, even if it does not love the same way your heart loves. Understand that each person you see has a story to tell, and a place in the Universe. Begin by thinking this as your eyes move over each individual (try not to stare because it’s often viewed as creepy by the general public) Then move your eyes so that you are not watching any particular individual but taking in the entire scene, you can see everyone moving and doing whatever they are doing, many bodies, all with souls and stories and thoughts and love. Quiet your mind and don’t be drawn in by the bustle of it as we often are, allow yourself to view yourself as removed from it for just a moment, in the world but not of it. An observer for just a few minutes before you move back into it. Just watch them and see what you feel about them. Now is when I’d like you to think, “Each one of these people is a part of me, and I am a part of each and every person that I can see before me.” Really try to feel that, that you are fragments that make a glorious whole that is too glorious for you to even see as you are…that by forgetting your oneness with everything and coming back to it again and again through each life, you are allowing that whole to create itself anew again and again and again. Try imagining that each one of you is a separate thought of the Divine whole, that you each have a life and a personality and that individual experience is like a dream or a thought of the Universe. Each just as important and special as the next. When you begin to think this way it will become easier to take the next step of, “this person is my brother, my sister, my mother, my father, my daughter, my son, this person is my friend, this person is dear to me, I love this stranger and we are One.”

 

Just sitting down and taking the time to think those thoughts once a day truly does make a difference. Try it. Alter it to suit your needs, see what works for you.

 

I also do my best to practice mindful smiling in public places, often times I find that just having a smile on my face brings a smile to someone else’s face. A smile is one of the best infectious things don’t you think? Eye contact works wonders as well. If you are passing someone in the street instead of looking down or away as we so often do, try looking up, meeting their eyes briefly as you pass and smiling. As you do, remember that little exercise and view that moment as you smiling at a part of yourself being and experiencing something different, a chance meeting of different parts of the whole. If you carry this meditation into your daily life and have it in your mind when you are speaking with others I think you’ll find that they respond very differently, it’s as if their higher self is remembering you and responding from that same place of oneness. Every so often you’ll run into someone who doesn’t remember. But that’s important too; too remind those around you of that Divine whole and that Divine love. Let the light in you show those around you another way. 

  

Namaste,

After this conversation I’ll begin posting some things on my process and the way I go about automatic writing in the hopes that some of you may be able to incorporate it into your spiritual work. It’s a very personal experience and everyone will of course go about it in different ways, there is no one right way to do this. But if my opening up in any way helps you then I would be overjoyed. I’ll be posting every so often short exercises that I find help keep me in a receptive frame of mind and a sort of walk through of what I do and feel when I have one of these conversations.

The next conversation was very recent and broke my usual pattern. Usually I’ll know for a few days in advance that the time to sit down and talk with Love is coming and I’ll make time, or he’ll just start talking and I’ll have to run for my computer or pen and paper. This took place while I was visiting Aliah and Morgana in London this July (we’re rapidly catching up to the present which is my goal). Morgana Aliah and I all go a lot of work through Tarot and Divination. One night I was having a divination session with Morgana in her flat, we were using a pendulum and a letter board that she had constructed. She was using the pendulum with her eyes closed and I was turning the board before every question and taking down letters that she was pointing to. After the first couple questions I took over the asking of the questions, even if they were hers. I had a feeling it was actually Love we were talking with and I smiled. It was without a doubt the silliest divination session I’ve ever had. Morgana and I were laughing and joking and having a ball while doing our work. We joked at one point that someone must have spiked our tea with silly. We had so much fun. Near the end Morgana finally got curious about who we were speaking to. I told her it was Love but she wanted to use the pendulum; it was the clearest reading we got the whole night. I don’t think she was expecting it to be as clear as it was. She did the reading with her eyes closed and it spelled out quite clearly L. O.V.E. and we both started laughing and smiling. I was so happy to be communicating with him in a different medium, it was reassuring somehow and I hadn’t had a writing session in quite a few months so it was almost like bumping into someone that you’re always thinking about but haven’t seen in ages on the street. We asked another question or two but soon closed up for the night and I ran across the room to my laptop and started chatting with him immediately. It came easier since I was already very much aware of his presence and didn’t have to try and tap into it the way I usually do. So we just started talking…

    

Well hello there, it was nice of you to drop by and assist us. You added quite a cheerful air to the proceedings. You most definitely made us smile.

 You made me smile as well. I was glad to be of assistance and the two of you are a delight. 

I’ve been meaning to start having longer conversations with you again, I know we’re always speaking really but it’s not the same as sitting down and really having a lengthy discussion.

 As I said before, you may speak with me whenever you wish, and you do quite frequently. I am always with you and we are always speaking, even if you do not realize it. 

It reminds me of a painting I meant to do when my skills with oils were a bit more developed. I always meant to paint an angel I believe I have called Lakshmi. I wanted to paint her standing next to me whispering in my ear, our expressions would make it clear that I could hear her but not see her, but that I was listening. I would still like to paint that, and you as well.

 But what will you do with my appearance? 

I would paint you as you appear to me, as you have said to me before: you appear to me as you do for a reason. I may not fully understand it but I accept it and know that there must be a reason for it.

 There is indeed and it will become clear to you in time my dear. All will become clear to you in time. I would be glad if you would paint us. You drew a sketch of the dream in which I first appeared to you. The one you showed Morgana tonight, I would be happy if you would make this a painting, it is a powerful image and others would be drawn to it. You were after all. It was a dream you had one night just like any other. 

Not quite any other.

 No, it was striking as you have said; the imagery was full of symbolism and meaning. But you have had other intense dreams as well, yet you did not feel driven to write them all down, and you have rarely seen such colour or such vivid details.  

How could anyone forget you?

 How indeed? 

You’re smiling, I can feel it.

 I am always smiling, how can I not around the two of you, you make me smile the both of you. 

We are rather silly, aren’t we?

 Yes, and I quite like it. Perhaps I am the one that spiked your tea with silly? 

Perhaps, I wouldn’t put much past you.

 Nor should you, I am quite devious and I delight in a good laugh. 

It was a bit easier to ask you things that I don’t know with Morgana behind the wheel. It makes me a bit more comfortable to know that you speak with her as well, or rather that she speaks with you.

 You are not nearly as comfortable with me as I would like, while you are in England I would like for you to sit down with me and for us to have more conversations. I will of course put no pressure on you; you need not force yourself to make a nightly ritual of it. But I feel it would benefit you to try and get back in the habit of having long conversations with me again. I say this because I know it is as you wish as well. 

It is, and I also feel that it would help.

 You paused for a time after finishing your time at school and I think you have been afraid to start up again. You fear my absence. Fear not. I am here. I am always here. There is no place that you could go or be that I would not be as well.  

If I were a bit more self confident in my own abilities I think it would be easier for me to converse with you.

 But it is not nearly as difficult as you make it out to be, your hands are moving quite quickly as we speak darling. You put yourself down often because a part of you feels it would be inappropriate for you to be fully confident in your own abilities. This should not be so. Be self confident, know your own wit and wonder, know your own power and talent and feel secure in the gifts that I have given you. There is no glory in hiding or masking the glorious gifts of the Universe, how is that good and proper? It is a shame for anyone to not shine as brightly as they are capable. If you are going to experience something, experience it. If you and I are going to be friends for all our time together, which is forever…then I wish for you to throw yourself fully into it. There is no danger, there cannot be, who and what I am means that there is no danger and that no harm will ever come of it. I cannot and will not hurt you. I am Love, and I love you. 

I love you as well.

 That is becoming easier for you. 

With your help, yes it is. It is actually quite late and I should be getting to bed so that I can wake up tomorrow to go for a picnic with Morgana and Aliah.

 You are getting along well with Aliah. 

Yes, the three of us fit perfectly, just as we should.

 Just as you should, just as you do, so mote it be. Have no worries, the two of us shall discuss things in greater detail another time. It was good to spend some time with the two of you, I was happy we could share some laughs; you really are quite spectacularly silly you know. 

Yes, we are, and it’s fantastic. I could feel you smiling the entire time; I knew it was you even before you literally spelled it out. If I visit Arizona, and Morgana, Pat, and I use the Quiji board will you come again to speak to us?

 You called and I came, if you call again I shall come again. I am always happy to for I am always here. 

As you keep reminding me.

 As I will continue to remind you until you continue to remember. 

I will someday soon.

 Soon indeed. Our voices shall be one, and when they are you shall know yourself truly and fully.  

I will be glad of it. I do love you.

 I know, I love you too Elizabeth, Goodnight. 

Goodnight Love.

Namaste,

 

Well, It seems like every one of these posts starts with an explanation for some seemingly negative situation. This one is no different. This makes it seem as though something crazy is always going on with me, which is funny because that’s not exactly true…or maybe that is true and I just don’t experience it that way. Last year was very emotional and these conversations began when I had just forced myself to exit a high drama atmosphere for the sake of my own sanity. I’m a quiet person by nature and constant high drama is very draining on anybody. It has been said by some however that people tend to turn to the divine when they are happy and when everything is going their way, and then turn away when they feel that things aren’t going as planned or when they feel in the dark. I guess you’re seeing a time in my life when I was forcing myself to turn to the divine when I felt in the dark and not just when I felt joy. It’s true though, it’s easier to be spiritual when you feel joyful than it is to be spiritual when you feel sorrow. It takes faith to turn to the divine when you feel like all the lights are going out, and faith can be hard work. I guess that’s my challenge to you. Have faith, and create joy for yourself, especially in the dark because that’s when you’ll need it most.

 

That said, the following conversation took place a few months after the last one. I had joined some old friends in New York City, an old friend of mine was playing a gig at a club and we showed up (late, damn subway) and went back to someone’s apartment for a party. I smoked something that wasn’t exactly legal and it wasn’t exactly my first time smoking something of that nature…but it was definitely the first time I had what may have been a seizure because of said smoking. I was sitting there, safe and among friends (thankfully) at a kitchen table. I suddenly felt that I was on fire, I felt sick. The last thought I remember having before I blacked out was that I should probably rest my head in my hands. I don’t know if it ever got there, someone said it did and maybe stayed there for 20min or so but I have no recollection of that. I apparently fell out of the chair and onto the floor (all without regaining consciousness) and I’m sure I bashed my head pretty bad on those tiles. I woke up with people all around me but while I was able to open my eyes and murmur answers to their terrified questions I was definitely out of body. My temperature fluctuated and a friend said that at one point I was shaking, I don’t know if shaking means convulsions or shivering due to temperature shifts, I guess I’ll never know. I stayed out of body and mostly unconscious and unable to move for over 3 hours before my sweetheart of a mother drove into the city to pick me up and drive me to a hospital. At that point I was able to walk but I had a splitting headache for over a week. It was, needless to say, not much fun. The hospital said it could have been a fainting spell, or a seizure. Their best guess was that what I smoked had been laced with pesticides that my friends were used to and I wasn’t. Very strange.

 

I hesitated when posting this but I feel like it’s not my place to chose at this point what I do or do not share with you. When Love talks to me, it’s not just for me, it’s for everyone. I have no way of knowing what will be important to you or what will change your life or answer your questions. So I guess I’ll just post what I have and take the heat on this sensitive subject. Yes, I’ve smoked marijuana. I think plants that are from the earth can be a useful spiritual tool and teach us about other states of consciousness, becoming addicted or reliant upon them however, I feel defeats the purpose. We have to take the next step within our minds, a substance will only take us so far before it becomes a crutch. I smoke it very rarely; I do however smoke clove cigarettes on a daily basis. I started a year ago this month in an effort to self medicate. I don’t suggest it. I’m torn. I love smoking, but it’s not at all good for me. It’s not life preserving. If I do something that is harming my body (which is the temple of my soul) does that not imply that on some level I wish to do myself harm? That thought bothers me. I also kind of want to see my grandchildren…so I should get on that. Sorry, on to Love….

   

Dear Love,

            I had quite a night last night. I’m still not sure what exactly happened, but I thought of you while I was passed out cold on the ground, and you comforted me. I haven’t been speaking to you much, but every so often I’ll say something to you in my head and you answer me. It makes me smile. I can’t talk for very long tonight, I still need rest, my head is hurting me. But I just felt it was time to get back in contact. You’re very important to me and I don’t want to lose touch.

 You can’t lose touch; I’m always with you. I’m glad I was a comfort to you in your time of need. 

It was so strange, I could hear everyone in the room talking to me, but I wasn’t really in my body. It was like speaking to them through a wall from within another room. I knew you were the only one with me in my room, on my side of the wall. Thank you for being there, even though I don’t remember us speaking much, I knew you were there and it made me happy to know that.

 I’m glad, and I will always be there. You are not fully capable of carrying out a full conversation with me at this time, as you said you are still recovering. But you will be all right. No serious harm has been done. It is a wise decision to stop smoking at this time. You were told that smoking would cause health problems in your life and it is true. This event may not have been triggered by your smoking but I am glad that you are able to see that you do not need to continue this action, it is not life preserving. It is a comfort that is not beneficial. How can you really expect yourself to heal when your methods of healing and comfort are so unhealthy? You were also correct in your realization that what you did last night had no true purpose, it was purely recreational. That does not resonate with you. You no longer have the time or energy to give to things that do not resonate. I am pleased that you are able to look at such things fairly clearly however. It means that releasing these bad habits will be quicker and easier for you than for most, though it will still be hard.  

I’m realizing again how much healing I still have to do. It is time for me to go back into therapy again. I have some wounds that go deep, and it’s not beneficial for me to ignore them, I can’t afford to do that.

 

I’m glad you understand your own needs so well; this is what you have worked so hard to understand this year. The importance of self-love and meeting your own needs as readily as the needs of others.

 

Being conscious of an issue is the first step towards correcting it.

 

It is half the battle. Denial is a powerful thing. I will remind you that you are far more powerful than you know, you have strength that you have never fully utilized though I know you catch glimpses of it every so often. Anything you fully chose to do, if you chose it with every part of your being, it is possible. It is in fact more than possible, it is done. Do not doubt your abilities to make beneficial changes in your life, you are more than capable, and I am with you.

 

You are one of my greatest friends, though we have only spoken a number of times. I wish I could see you. I wish I could just sit down with you, have chai and look you in the eyes. I know physical form is not important and that I would run the risk of associating you with merely one physical form. But still, I cannot help but wish it all the same.

 It is a natural desire, this is true. In time you may learn to see me, you may not. But it means little, for I am still with you, I am always with you. And you do look into my eyes, you look deeply into my eyes everyday, and you will each and every day of your life that is to come. This is my promise to you.  

Thank you.

 

You are most welcome. It is my joy and pleasure.

 

It is mine as well, I see your smile much more often. I guess I converse with you far more than I realize. I may not sit down and speak to you like this. But I do see you, I do hear you, I think of you and have you always in my mind. I find myself bringing you up in conversations with others and then laughing at myself when I realize I’m prattling on about you.

 Just like love, yes? 

Yes. And it’s wonderful. My head is hurting, I need to sleep some more. I would like for us to speak more. Is it possible for you to come to me in dreams? I often have such vivid and symbolic dreams. Besides that is where you first contacted me so directly. I would like to see you again in my dreams. Will you please come? I would be so happy to see you there.

 Then I will be there, of course. You need only to call and I am there. Rest now Elizabeth. 

Goodnight Love, thank you again for being with me.

 Goodnight Elizabeth, try not to worry so much. Everything will happen in its own time. It is as you say, an organic process. Have no worry. It is in my hands, and what could be more of a comfort, who could be a better custodian of fate? 

Namaste,

This next conversation happened perhaps a week later I believe, these are all before I began dating them and I have a rotten memory for dates and such. It was an emergency conversation. Last year I came back from India with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, a stress reaction to a traumatic event. I’ve mentioned vaguely that I’ve been in abusive relationships, that’s all I’ll say for now because I don’t like being a downer… perhaps I’ll speak of it more if I feel it’s relevant to readers. (If only I could access my email so I could tell…hmmm problem) But yes, I’ve experienced directly the imbalance of the feminine and masculine. Such an imbalance truly throws everything off kilter to such a huge degree that all our lives have been touched by it at some level, some more than others…but we’ve all felt it. I consider it to be one of the greater spiritual dilemmas, it stems directly from separation and superiority, both major issues that must be addressed before more damage is done.

But yes, anyway, I was in a very dark place and feeling very much alone in dealing with some pretty dark things that had happened in my life recently and I was feeling pretty horrible actually. In the past I had reached for self-hatred to deal with the darkness, I used to cope with it through self-mutilation I’m not proud to say. But this time it took a great deal of strength and faith to ignore that pull and reach instead for Love who was instantly there for me. After speaking with him I felt not only better, but wonderful.

So kiddies, the moral of the story is…if you’re ever in a dark place, go to Love…and Love will always be there for you! You have both our words. Feel free to hold us to it.

And on to Love…

Dear Love,

I’m sick, I know it’s just the flu…but I think it’s more than that somehow…while I was delirious with fever last night I kept waking up feeling that as I was asleep I was fighting for my soul…I have this fear that I’m actually evil, or dark…I know on some level that I am not, it’s just that sometimes I feel separated from what I know, sometimes I feel separated from you. For the first time in years I thought of suicide. I’m disappointed in myself for thinking of it again. At least this time it was different, at least I was thinking of you and that desire for death came from a desire for oneness with you. But I know that doesn’t make it better. I’m just feeling so lost right now. I just feel so weak and vulnerable. I feel so in the dark somehow despite the fact I’m surrounded by light. I’m just so confused and I want to know that you’re still here. I want to know that even if I’m in the dark you’re still with me.

 I am always with you, you know that. I know it’s hard to see sometimes but only because you stop looking, always look for me and you will always find me if you’re willing. I know you saw me just a few moments ago when the bird flew to your window. You thought, that is Love smiling at me. You are right, I was smiling. Because I’m proud of you, you’re doing so well. This is all part of the work we are doing together and you’re doing very well. Just now you cried, that’s all right. Don’t you feel a bit better now? Don’t you feel a bit of relief for allowing yourself that release? Feeling lost and alone or separated from me is nothing to be ashamed of. You all feel it, some of you go through your entire lives feeling it and that is why it is important for you to work through this with me…so that you know the darkness well and are fully capable of finding your way back to the light and leading others there with you. That is our work. That is your masterpiece as an artist , we have spoken of this before and I will say everything as many times as you need me to in order to never doubt my words again. I am here, and am everywhere and I am ALWAYS with you All Ways. It doesn’t matter how dark things seem, I’m still there with you. In your darkest hour. You shouldn’t feel shame or disappointment for contemplating ending your life, I know things have been hard, and that they still feel hard sometimes. I’m not disappointed in you. You allowed these thoughts to pass through your mind and you admitted to them openly and honestly. That is how you will come back to me here, through honesty. You applied the things we discussed very well, I know it was a fast lesson but we have an agreement you and I. You desired things to speed up, and they did. You set the pace, we can slow down if you desire. But I assure you, you are doing very well and I’ll say again and again: I’m very proud of you, you’re doing so well. Do not doubt your self, you are indeed of the light, and you’re right, you do know that. I know that. What you wrote this morning was very true, there is indeed strength to be found in the ability to be weak or fragile or vulnerable. Being of the light does not mean that you never doubt or feel in the dark. It will be difficult to be in your world and not feel in the dark sometimes because you are surrounded by a collective consciousness that creates unconsciously and is addicted to drama, pain, darkness, selfishness, and separation. These are taxing things indeed, and you will feel them strongly for they feel “wrong” to you. You have lived a life, many lives in fact, in a world with a race that chooses a way that does not resonate, it does not feel right. You have chosen to be a light in the darkness, that does not mean that you will never flicker, that is nothing to be ashamed of. That is why we have decided it will be best to have many torch bearers instead of just One. You are all lights in the darkness and you will lead those around you out of the darkness, when one of you flickers the others will be there right beside you. There will be times when you will need to lean on each other, and you will do well, exchanging energy freely without ever growing dependant. You will create an environment that feels “right” and then slowly make it manifest (as you like to say) and expand it so that others may see that their world does not have to be the way they have made it. 

I was afraid you wouldn’t be here.

 I am always here, be not afraid. I am the way and the life, and so are you, all of you, whether you remember it or not. If you look, I am there and I am always speaking if you listen. Teach those who come to you how to hear me, for they have forgotten, and there is nothing wrong with it, but it has gone on long enough. 

I have mixed feelings on my thoughts of death.

 Do not feel ashamed of these thoughts. You handled them well, you did not push them away or bury them. You allowed them to move through your mind without taking root, you looked at them honestly. That is good. But you do not have to die in order to “rejoin” me in oneness. For you and I are already one, I was speaking to you but you could not hear me. Hear me, always hear me. Always. Here. Me. We have never been separated, that is an illusion, you became lost in the illusion, and it is nothing to be ashamed of for the illusion you on this world have created is a strong one. It can be consuming, but only if you allow it. Allow it no longer. I am here. 

I know you are, it’s just hard to feel you sometimes. I just worry that this is actually my true decent into insanity.

 If this is insanity then more of you should be insane. And if insanity is merely a rejection of the reality accepted by the majority…ask someone sometime how that reality has been working out for them…because the consensus is at large that it hasn’t been working well at all. Haven’t you seen some “crazy” people looking happier than everyone else on the street? Haven’t you seen some looking sadder? We all create our own realities, you’ve all created some dark ones in your time…let us now create a brighter one. 

I’m still honestly concerned for my sanity.

 Honestly? How could you expect not to be driven a bit crazy by your world? The fact that you are consciously concerned for your mental health means there is little to be concerned about. You do have some issues with trauma and with mood shifts, the bipolar disorder which is hereditary. But your disorder is not a kind that will ever cause you to have hallucinations or hear voices…I’ll ask you to have faith. You will have others on your wavelength to tell you if what you are experiencing is “real” Where you experiencing hallucinations or other such things you would not question them.  

I think I’ve just been away from Morgana too long, it’s difficult remembering that all this is real when she’s so far away.

 I understand, but in truth, neither of you are ever far away from each other, nor are you ever far away from anyone. Be they light workers or otherwise. 

I miss a place, I have a terrible longing for a place and a way of life that I can barely remember.

 You remember it better than you realize, perhaps you cannot recall images exactly, people, places, specifics…but you have that feeling…that is as much remembering as recalling the way something looked or smelled or tasted. Since you were very young you have been trying to articulate these feelings, and you did the best you could. But you have chosen to be a very visually based person; it was required for the way you will do your work in the world in this life. In time visuals may come to you more clearly, you have a few. But even if they never do, even if you can never fully recall “that other sky” or “that specific blue” or the way the stars of that other world hung in the sky…that will make it no less real. You will still have your feelings, your instincts and intuitions. You remember feeling my presence fully, constantly, openly. You remember a feeling of “rightness” of gentleness and acceptance and unconditional love for everything and everyone around you. You remember being at peace and at one with the universe. Are these not slightly more important than the vegetation or the intricacies of daily life? You remember what you must remember, no more no less. If a time comes when you must remember more, then you will. You’ll know when you know. 

Just trust you?

 Yes. Trust me. 

I just have such issues with separation. I keep catching myself trying to separate something in my head and I think…why do I do that? I know it’s all one, that we’re all one…why do I keep trying to separate myself?

 Because you’ve been taught to, you’ve been surrounded by a people and a way of life for so long which base their very existence on separation. They’ve made it their Dogma! Their Doctrine! It is no wonder that this thought pattern is so deeply ingrained, in not just you, but all of you. The fact that you stop yourself and look at your thoughts, the fact that you “catch yourself” is excellent. This is mindfulness, if you continue to look at these thought patterns openly and honestly then slowly they will disperse and fade. Slowly you will come back to living as a being that acknowledges that it is at one with All That Is, with Love, with me, and the Universe. So you see, there is no need to rejoin me, for you never left me…such a thing is not possible. 

I know.

 I know you know, but it helped to hear me say it, yes? 

Yes. I’m so glad you were here…I know…you’re always here.

 All Ways. Good, there’s that smile, that’s what I love to see. 

It’s just so hard to be in this world sometimes.

 I know it is, that’s why it is best to be in the world but not of it. Had you continued to live as though you were of it you would have had a much harder time sitting down and speaking with me. 

I don’t know if I had continued to try and be “of it” that I would ever have spoken with you at all. That’s rather sad to think about.

 That’s the way the majority of you live your lives, separate from me. It doesn’t have to be that way, it never did.  

I do want to change it, all of it, completely, forever. I don’t care how hard it’ll be sometimes, it’ll be worth it, all of it. I do want to be the light in the darkness…no, I am the light in the darkness.

 This was our agreement, a choice we made together. Slowly you will remember more and more of this agreement and become one with it. Just remember that what you set out to do is already done. Have no fear, for there is no failure. No matter what they chose to do with the opportunity you present to them, you have done well…for that is all you can do, show them the way and hold out your hand. Speak, and hope they are able to hear, to listen to what you say. But as long as you say it, your work is done. Your work is your life lived. 

Okay. Will I see you in England?

 If you look, you will see. Good, another smile. 

I know that’s what you like to see, right?

 Right. So, in? 

Definitely in.

 I’m pleased to hear it. That is all we need to say for now. 

I know. See you Love.

See you Elizabeth.

Namaste,

Here is the next conversation with Love, it took place the day after the last one. After my first conversation with Love my father called me the next morning to let me know that he was getting married in a month. He had only divorced my mother a matter of months ago and had within less than a month moved in with a girlfriend that no one in my family knew he had. It was difficult for all of us when he moved in with her mostly because we felt lied to.

There are other things that come up in this conversation that require a bit of clarification. In some parts Love and I discuss a time of darkness and much sadness. I’m sure many of us have had very difficult times in our lives and felt isolated and alone. I spent most of my childhood and adolescence this way. In my sophomore year of High School I planned to end my life one Sunday. Friday night a friend of mine talked the plan out of me and then talked me out of the plan, I was sent to a psychiatric institution for two weeks. As I’m sure many of you understand, sometimes being sensitive or empathetic or even psychic means that living in the world as it is now can be almost unbearable. I crawled out of that dark place just barely and then began to “wake up” spiritually two years later or so. The reunification ceremony I refer to was a ceremony recommended to me by a Shamanic healer. I had separated myself into two parts, dark and light. I put myself back together again and left for India after graduating to do volunteer work with the Tibetan refugees…I also had a cosmic date with my soul sister Morgana.

The “Neale” that I refer to is best selling author Neale Donald Walsch. He’s written many books in a series known as Conversations with God. I recommend them to everyone, they will change your life. They completely alter your perception of God/Goddess or the Godhead energy.

The following conversation was still slightly stilted as I was still somewhat defensive and wary, though much less so…that said, on with Love.

  

Dear Love,

            Thank you for everything you said last night. I think it definitely helped me when my father called me today. I doubt that was coincidence.

 Nothing is coincidence. Everything is perfect. I said what I said in order to get you through this day and see that things can always be this way. 

I don’t know if I would always want them to be this way.

 I simply mean in the way that you responded. Knowing and acknowledging the fact that there was no need to repress or withhold or deny any of the things that you were feeling made it easier did it not? 

Yes. That’s what it did exactly. Knowing that I could “freak out” if I wanted to meant that…I just didn’t feel the need. Knowing that I didn’t have to repress it meant that there was nothing at all to repress. I went instantly or almost instantly to a place of love.

 You never left that place. Even when you were upset with your father for springing this on you so suddenly and unexpectedly. You never left that place of love. You can be upset with someone and still love them. You do it all the time. Loving someone doesn’t mean that you never get on each other’s nerves sometimes or that you never have disagreements. Quite the opposite. I think you’ll find that when you love someone and acknowledge that love you find yourself getting frustrated with them in a way you don’t really with those you don’t acknowledge love for. You care, and therefore get frustrated. 

But we should love everyone.

 There is no should, you are free to feel how you will about those around you. But yes, I understand what you mean. You mean to say that you are one with everyone and therefore should love everyone. Yes. You are moving towards that place. But first you must learn to deal honestly and perfectly with those closest to you. You must learn how to love those your life has placed next to you as well as yourself before you can instantly feel that you, your friends, and your family are no more important to you than a stranger on the street or an individual you have never met on the other side of the world. 

I feel that I do care for everyone as one.

 Yes. But you accept that you have only just begun to learn to love. It is good that you are declaring this as you are…. it moves you to mastery…. that is good. But I know you understand that there is still work to be done. There is still thought involved, you’re still thinking too much. You must be. 

I know.

 I know you know. But still. You did well today. I’m proud of you. 

Thank you.

 That means a lot to you to have someone say that doesn’t it? 

Yes. It does. I feel like I haven’t had that said enough in my life.

 You realize this is where a lot of your issues may stem…the desire to make those around you proud. 

Yes. I don’t like to think about it too much.

 Because it hurts? When I said that your eyes teared for just an instant. But you did not cry. Why not? 

I don’t know, I just don’t cry that much.

 I feel it might be good for you to do that on occasion, there is a reason that you were given this ability. It is a release for you, for humans. It wouldn’t feel as painful if you allowed yourself that release far more often. 

So I should cry all the time?

 You know that’s not what I mean. You have this pride that you take in never crying. This pride in never expressing your pain, and so you build it up and keep it inside you. This is where shadow selves come from, a build up of unresolved, unexpressed darkness. If one allows thoughts and fears and darkness to pass through the mind without taking root then they have no power. It you do not acknowledge them they cannot be dispelled. You must be honest. You have done well in this area of self. You tend to be far more honest with yourself than most other humans. 

That makes me kind of sad. That I have so much work to do in this area and you say that.

 Live your life as an example, show them that there is nothing to be feared from honesty. There isn’t you know. Show them that they are the ones that give their own darkness power by fearing it and refusing to bring it into the light. It cannot continue when it is brought into the light. When you openly acknowledge the darkness and look at it in complete honesty, without judgment and condemnation then and only then can you dispel it. See it as a part of you and accept it…. and slowly it will shrink as you continue over a period of time to not chose it. You have seen this. 

Yes. I did the reunification ceremony before I left for India. It worked instantly. I no longer felt divided into darkness and light. I felt complete.

 You realize why what you were doing was unhealthy? 

Yes. By diving myself into two parts, a self and a shadow self I was denying that my shadow self was indeed a part of my whole self. I made it into a separate entity…which doesn’t work…because there is no way, once you separate yourself into “good” and “bad” to rid yourself of this half of yourself…it is a part of you…I just gave it power.

 Yes. When you accepted that you and this other self were in fact not separate at all and were and always had been one…and that you always would be…what did you experience? 

I felt complete. I still do. I feel like a whole person again and no longer at such odds with myself. It’s not hard to understand after that why some people find it so easy to believe in a devil. They just create the devil within themselves and then blame it all…. on that part of themselves.

 Yes. The devil is closely tied to guilt and shame as you were just realizing. These are very powerful forces, so powerful people find it easier to ignore them and repress them. It does not have to be this way. It never has to be this way. When you, Elizabeth, openly admit fault and apologize as you have done in the past. You show them a strength and a willingness that they don’t often see. It shows them how possible it is to be all right with making “mistakes” and that they should not be condemned, merely learned from and accepted as a part of the process. “mistakes” after all must be made in order for anything to happen….in this way there really are no such things as mistakes after all…merely the process. So keep doing what you do. Be an example, show them how to be all right with a life as an individual and as an accepted part of the “One”. You will do well. As you have said and said correctly, your masterpiece will simply be your life lived. That will be your gift to the world, yourself. That is what everyone should see as their gift…themselves…. everyone must learn to see themselves as a gift. For they are all my gifts. To each other, to themselves, to the universe, to me. I accept and love and embrace each and every one…for they are all me, they are all Love. 

I do love you, you know that.

 I do, and I love you too, we simply need to work on your ability to express that part of yourself, that part of yourself which is me, which is Love. That is the part of yourself you will need the most in the times ahead of you. 

I catch glimpses of those times ahead, they change.

 Everything has not yet been decided, right now is a time of shifting and of choice. All of you are deciding together which way you will do things. There isn’t really a “hard way” or an “easy way”…but in a certain sense some ways would be more difficult for this group of souls on Earth.  

I hope they don’t choose what they have chosen in the past.

 I pass no judgment on any of the choices before you as a collective, they are all perfect and will all lead you back to me, back to Love. But I understand, yes. It’s all right to feel sadness, even if you feel that you too should feel accepting of all these paths, it’s still all right to feel sadness, to feel anything you want in regards to what you see happening around you. I’ve seen you cry sometimes at a movie, not often but sometimes. This is the same thing in a way. It’s an illusion, a place to create and to experience. When you leave that movie, when you leave that theatre, you enter back into the true world, you enter back into my truth. When you are in the world of truth, and no longer immersed in the illusion…how can you judge, you cannot. You can only say…”that made me sad.” Or “that made me happy” or other such things. It’s all what you experience. “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players” this is true….when you leave the stage, all you have is a detached observation on how you experienced it. There is nothing wrong with crying at a movie, or feeling sad because of your attachments to characters within it…. there is nothing wrong with looking at the world you and your fellow human beings have created and feeling sadness over it.  

Because when we leave, it was just a show anyway.

 Still. You might as well make it a happy one? Yes? 

Well, I think it’s about time…haven’t we had enough of this…. how about making this illusion a happy one…it still represents some of that greater truth if we want it to.

 Exactly, if you can make anything you want…why make sadness? Why would you want to create sadness? You claim that’s not your desire. But I know you understand. 

Yes, there is a comfort that is found in pain and in sadness after dwelling and indulging in it for such a long time.

 Yes, and I see you understand at last why you have had certain experiences in your life. It was indeed so you could understand the place in which your humans now dwell…so you could understand how reluctant they will be to leave it. It is familiar to them…. they will resist leaving at first, it has become comfortable. 

I do know that place, I remember. That does make sense, I understand completely. It was so hard to be happy…I didn’t know how, I mistrusted it, I didn’t believe it….it didn’t feel, well, it didn’t feel like depression…I wasn’t familiar with it.

 Do you remember how you finally got to that place where it was all right to be happy? 

I was searching my mind for something that someone did, someone that saved me…but I saved myself. I made a choice. I decided to be happy.

 You did, and it was one of the hardest choices you’ve ever made but you made it. You decided that you wanted to be happy, and you were. It wasn’t easy…. but it was. Good, there’s that smile. I like to see you smile. 

I like to see you smile too.

 When do you see me smile? 

Everywhere, I think you’re always smiling at me, I just don’t look all the time. Like the white feathers, 11:11…it’s all you smiling…not even just that…everything is you smiling at me isn’t it?

 Yes. I’m always smiling. How could I not? It’s so beautiful. You’re all so beautiful. 

Thank you.

 You’re welcome.  

I know you still want me to talk about him…but I don’t know what to say really.

 Everything and nothing all at once? 

Yes. That’s it exactly.

 There aren’t really words for me are there? 

Not really….well, there are…but they don’t quite do the trick.

 That’s why you paint yes? Searching for better ways to say it? 

Always, it’s all about you. Always has been.

 Cute. Very cute….aren’t you going to ask me if he’s the one that you’re looking for? 

I was thinking about it but I’m not sure if I should

 You’re still not sure how much of what I say will come from “you” 

Yes…I don’t know if you’ll be able to tell me something that I don’t know

 But you do know. 

I don’t know if I know this…at least not consciously….

 You know…. you just haven’t made a decision. You can feel that there is knowledge and that there are things that are simply not “known” to you because you haven’t decided something yet. You understand? 

Yes, I know

 See? 

Oh hush. And don’t think it’s lost on me that Morgana and I seem to be in the same place on this sort of thing…this knowing and deciding and resisting the Universe type thing…

 It’s all a lesson in me, in Love. In learning how far your own power really goes, she needs to have more faith in the Universe….I know it sounds funny considering the faith you have both demonstrated thus far…but still, you’ll both need more…yes. More.  

But where do my choices and yours…I get confused….

 You will every time you try to separate us. You cannot ever separate us. Though you’ll all keep on trying. 

My will is yours, yes?

 Yes. What you want for you I want for you. 

But when other people are involved? When am I pushing something that they don’t choose onto them? How do I know that this goes against what they chose?

 You’ll know. The fact that you are so careful about this means that you’ll never do it. Everything is decided…you all communicate constantly on a level that you cannot even imagine in your current state. You are all constantly communicating and making decisions and agreements and then forgetting about them in order to gain what you desire from these agreements. You understand. 

Yes. But I get lost in technicalities.

 Don’t worry so much about the technicalities. Trust your intuition. If you feel that you have a connection with this individual I guarantee that there is a reason you feel that way. If that person does not recognize that connection, then there is a reason for that and it is all a part of your agreement. 

I had an agreement with my first love, yes?

 Yes, he played quite a role in your life.  

I’m thankful for that role.

 I know, and your gratitude and unconditional love for him is what you were to learn. There was more than that I know you realize…but that was one of the greatest lessons you learned. Unconditional love in truth. He hurt you more than any other individual. I mean this is an illusionary sense because as I know you understand, no one can truly be hurt. He agreed to cause you pain or to create the illusion of pain. As you agree, he did this well. 

Yes. It was almost unbearable.

 I know, but it was perfect, yes? 

Yes.

 You both did so well, I’m so proud of you both. 

Thank you.

 Good, tell me how you feel for him now. 

I love him. Not the way I used to though. I don’t feel like I have to be with him to love him. I still feel this connection with him that spans whatever physical distance is between us…I feel certain he feels that on some level too. But I don’t care anymore if he feels the same or if he thinks of me…I like to think he thinks of me sometimes and remembers the good times that we had…we had some beautiful times, some beautiful moments…but even if all he feels is bitterness and hatred and regret. I accept that. I love him and don’t feel hurt anymore by the fact he doesn’t feel the same. It just doesn’t touch me or move me the way it used to. I’ve accepted him completely and moved on. I would be open to communicating with him in the future….if he called me with a desire to reinstate contact I would be happy, perhaps even overjoyed…but I don’t feel strongly either way. I could get a call from him tonight where he says he loves me and wants me back, or that he hates me and never wants to speak to me again, or that he would like to be my friend, or I could never see or hear from him again….and it would make no difference to how I feel about him. I simply love and accept him and wish him all the best. There’s this peaceful feeling I get when I think about it. I remember the pain we felt with one another…but I don’t feel it, I just remember it…like an old wound long since healed. It’s like looking at a scar and not judging it as beautiful or ugly…it can be both, or neither…it’s simply a part of you…a mark that represents a lesson you learned or a moment in your life.

 And as you realize, there are many different kinds of scars. Some scars are from accidents, some are from clumsiness or carelessness, some from acts of selfishness or selflessness, some are from acts of hatred, others of fear or love. Scars come in many different ways, and yes. They simply become a part of us. Well said. The wounds they represent may have hurt, they may not have hurt at all…but they all healed. They will always heal.  

My father just called me to check if I was all right after hearing what he told me earlier. I felt moved to tell him that I was speaking with you.

 And what was his reaction? 

He took it completely in stride, there was a moment of surprise I think but then he immediately accepted it. He reminded me that he and my mother used to use the Quija board to contact an entity who identified itself as GEF…and that he had experiences he cannot explain…that he does believe he had a conversation with another entity, with someone who was not physically in that room with him. I had forgotten that, and if I remembered that that had happened to him I don’t know that I would have expected him to be that open about it, even though it was an experience he had.

 I gave you the perfect parents, the perfect people, the perfect environment and the perfect opportunities for what you have declared you with to create and experience in this life. This is only starting to become apparent to you but as time moves forward as you would have it…this will only become more clear and eventually you will take it for granted that everyone around you was placed there by me so that you could do exactly what you have told me you wish to. You and I and everyone are in constant communication, we are one being and we are never separate even though you forget. There will come a day when you will be able to move through your world and remember in every moment that you and I are one and that you and everyone else are one…that everything everywhere is one and that it is all perfectperfectperfect. Everything. It can be as soon or as far away as you wish. 

I want it to be soon. I desire that experience. I know that I will.

 So mote it be. That is our destination. One of many more to come. For there is no “end” it is as you say, “all about the process” 

Then it’s a good thing I love the process as much as I do.

 Don’t you see?

I.

Love.

The Process.

That entire sentence was a declaration of divine self. From the individual self you experience now, to the higher divine self you move towards everyday and forget in order to experience the I and rejoin the higher self Love…and then everything, the process…everything that is, was, shall be…the process of life and all that goes with it. 

Is that why I’m an artist? Because on some level I recognized that all along?

 You are all artists, you’re simply choosing to create in different ways. Haven’t you always smiled every time you see it written somewhere? 

God is an Artist?

 Yes. I see you’re ready to go there now? 

Love is God?

 Love is indeed God. What is it about saying the words that is so difficult for you? You knew even before writing who you would be speaking with.  

I’m glad I came despite my discomfort.

 As am I. 

We just have so much baggage around communion with God I guess…we all may say out loud that….no not everyone says that….nevermind….I guess I’ll just take it from my angle….I may say that everyone should commune with the divine…but society and religion all instill in us this belief that God is giving us the silent treatment or something…that you’re sitting up there somewhere with your mouth firmly shut and if you ever open it it’s only to speak to specific individuals…

 If by specific individuals you mean everything, everyone, all the time…well, yes. Good, a smile. I really feel like we’re getting somewhere. No wait, there’s some doubt…well, it was nice while it lasted…good, another smile…talk to me. 

I love talking with you, I just remembered…

 The world outside of this right here right now? The world where people will call you crazy if you share what just came out in the open…you feel your father was accepting of you speaking with an individual entity but he might not feel or react the same way if you allow it to come out that you’re speaking with God? 

Yes. I think that’s why I call you Love…because I understand that Love and God are synonymous…you told me that. That’s the other thing, you have been speaking with Neale and that’s where all of this started to become clear to me. I feel others will look at the things I’ve been reading and the ideas I’ve been exploring and say exactly what I recently said about another individual…that they are very open to suggestion and very disturbed. I just worry that this isn’t real, that this is just me, and I’m really all alone sitting at my computer talking to myself in a vain effort to make myself feel important or get attention or relieve my loneliness. That’s why I’m afraid to ask you questions that I don’t know the answers to…because I’m afraid if you don’t know what I don’t know…then it’s really just me sitting here.

 Just keep typing, good, just keep writing, I’m still here, I’m always here. Don’t forget that…no matter what you tell yourself sometimes…I’m always here. It’s okay to feel that way, as you say “that’s valid” it is valid. Don’t judge it. But when you feel that way don’t allow those fears to consume you or let them drown out my voice or stop you from speaking with me…you’ve allowed the outside world to prevent you from listening to me for far too long. You realize this on some level. You’ve been ignoring my voice, you heard it so clearly at times and just didn’t know what to do with what you were hearing, I understand. You were very young. Now you know. No matter what. Just keep going, just keep listening. I’m here and I’ve never been anywhere else but everywhere. The work that I have been doing with Neale serves a slightly different purpose than the work that I will be doing with you. There is no need for you to publish or ever share this with anyone if you do not feel comfortable doing that. You know your purpose. Neale has done very well, and I know you will too. Don’t feel afraid, do not fear me, do not fear this. You can share this with the world, you can continue speaking with me and never speak of it to a soul…or… 

I can do both?

Yes. And that third choice is why I think you chose to call me Love, and you may continue to do so if you wish. I have many names, and I will have many more. One of these names is Love, and you may call me by any name that you wish.

I would like to continue calling you Love if you don’t mind.

 I just told you that I didn’t. We have an agreement you and I. Another reason I came to you as I did in the dream we spoke of before. I came to you in a way you would be comfortable with. Some are prepared to see and speak with me as “God the Heavenly Father”…some are prepared to see angels and have visions…perhaps in time you will see such things….but you will know exactly what you should know…all is perfect. There is no one way to appear to anyone. I came to you in the best way I could…it certainly got your attention did it not? But it caused you no fear. You responded to me in that form which is what I desired. It is what we desired.  

Don’t think I missed that. The allusion to me desiring that form…

 I knew you wouldn’t…keeping it light remember? Re-member? 

Smart ass

 I’m shocked. 

No you aren’t.

 No, no I never am. For now let us just continue to speak like this. You may call me Love and there is no need for you to tell anyone that Love is synonymous with God…for on some level they all remember this…those who are prepared to hear that you are speaking with me will understand the meaning of conversations with Love. I am here to work with you on your specific purpose, your work. While I am happy that my work with Neale brought you here do you think I am surprised? Do you think that is coincidence? No, I tell you again, everything is perfect. We will proceed at exactly the speed you are comfortable with. Even if you never ask me something which you do not feel you ”know” the work we do together will be no less valid, I will keep telling you that until you listen. I will keep telling you everything over and over…always until you listen.  

I’m glad I can finally hear you.

 You always could…there is no way anyone can completely miss what I am saying…for I am everywhere all the time…Love is everywhere all the time…God is everywhere all the time…but it is lovely that you are in a place where you can sit down and speak with me this directly yes. 

It feels so right and natural. The only other conversations I’ve ever had which feel this perfect and this open and true and honest and beautiful are those I’ve had with Morgana.

 You almost said the founders. 

Yes. But then I realized that I haven’t met or even found them all yet

 You haven’t found the founders? It doesn’t strike you as amusing that what you say is lacking is apparent even in the name you have given the group of you? You say they are not “found” yet that is what you say they are…”found-ers” I find it amusing, and very interesting… 

I never thought of that. It is kind of funny.

 It is all right to disregard linear time on occasion…it isn’t always a requirement…it is often beneficial to step outside of it…so many of you feel things like fortune telling and the like are “sinful” it is really only a mild form of time travel…one must step outside of linear time in order to do these things…you did so often as a child without even realizing what you were doing…that too was condemned was it not? 

I didn’t understand, I’m still not sure if I understand completely. Some of the “lies” I told I felt compelled to tell…some of it was attention seeking…some of it was just downright not true…I’m not sure I understand what that part of my life was about.

 All will become clear in time…and there is nothing wrong with a child creating it’s own world. That is what you did, you understood on some level that that was what you were here to do, create a world…create this world…. you tried to do that but those around you weren’t willing to enter into the world you were creating…they didn’t understand what you were trying to do, the powers that you were attempting to access…. it was hard for you, yes? 

Yes. I tried to tell myself sometimes when I stepped outside that world and entered briefly into a place of linear time that I was just playing pretend…but playing pretend at 13? 14? I wasn’t a child! I wasn’t supposed to still be doing that!

 There is no supposed…and you were doing more than that…that is why you felt so compelled to continue…and had you not continued you would not have been given certain experiences in your life which are essential to the work we will be doing in this world. You would not be where you are now, talking to me and asking if the experiences you had were perfect. 

I wasn’t questioning you.

 You were, but don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong with questioning me